Here I Go!

This is my first blog post. This is the first day of a journey that I’m sure will completely change my life.

  

I grew up in the best family with the most supportive parents and siblings. I never remember my weight being an issue until 5^th grade. I had a childhood friend who gave her opinion about my weight and I took it to heart. This “friend” would frequently tell me that I was fat and that I should lose weight so that boys would like me. As a result, I started developing a very quirky personality to compensate for my weight. I was known as “the one with the great personality.”

I played sports during my teenage years so that helped me stay in shape. I was always a bigger girl, but I was the tall one on the basketball team, so I was great at throwing my weight around down by the basket. I also played golf, which was good for me because I would have to walk 9 holes a day with a big golf bag on my back. While I didn’t gain it as quickly, my weight continued to increase throughout high school.  When I graduated, I weighed about 180 pounds.

The heaviest I had ever been.

After graduation, I moved to Lubbock and lived with my sister and my cousin. I ate lots and lots of fast food, especially Wendy’s (my favorite). This was partly because Ruidoso didn’t have a Wendy’s!!! Throughout college I continued gaining weight. One day my sister brought up my weight in a conversation. She was kind and worried, but of course I got really mad at her for bringing it up because I was so sensitive about it. I knew it was a problem. I just didn’t want to face it.

That was my issue then, and it is still my issue today.

Even though I wanted to ignore it, I had a real struggle with low self esteem because of my weight.  I tried lots of different diets (Weight Watchers, meal planning and exercising, etc.). Nothing changed. I still ate too much, drank too many Dr. Peppers, and turned to food to cope with my emotions. During this time, I fell in love with my best friend Aaron!  As we were dating, I started P90X with my sister. We did it everyday and completed the entire 90 day plan but I still didn’t lose much weight. So I went to the Dr. to get some tests done. It turned out that I had high cholesterol. I also had other tests and blood work done. In all honesty, I was hoping that they would offer me a medical reason for my weight gain. I was devastated when I found out that there was nothing medically was wrong with me besides my high cholesterol.  After that, I tried to lose the weight again but I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t believe it was possible. My food addiction was getting out of control.

Then Aaron and I got engaged in December of 2010. It was perfect. But then I started thinking about having to pick out my wedding dress. I had already moved into plus size dresses (which cost more with fewer options) and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to find something that worked. When I went to try on dresses I had the strong support of the women in my family. Also, a couple of close friends came to help. Thankfully, I did find the perfect dress.  It did make me feel beautiful.

  

I wanted to lose a bunch of weight and shock everybody at the wedding. But I didn’t. We got married on June 18^th, 2011 and it was a perfect day. I felt beautiful regardless of how much I weighed. We went to Maui for our honeymoon and, of course, I was self-conscious on the beach and at the pool. After the honeymoon, I weighed 230 pounds.

The heaviest I had ever been.

We moved to Dallas and got settled in to married life. I spent a lot of time organizing the apartment and unpacking boxes, which kept me busy and eating unhealthy food.  I recently went to the doctor again for (as gross as this sounds) an ingrown toenail. Long story short-they had to test my cholesterol again. The results were bad. My doctor wanted to put me on cholesterol medication, but they usually don’t prescribe it to young women because it can sometimes affect the ability to have children. On top of that, I had gained almost 30 pounds since our wedding. I weighed in at 256 pounds.

The heaviest I have ever been.

 So here I am.

I have an addition to food.

I have to lower my cholesterol.

No more excuses.

I want to lose at least 80 pounds. I want to blog about it because I need encouragement and accountability. More than that, I need your prayers. I can’t do this by myself.

Please join me on my journey.